Happy Ever After
by The Crack Fairy
Summary: Once upon a time, there was a prince... A cracky KakuHi fairytale.


I know, I know. I should be updating Pajaros and Gives you Hell. But I have a serious case of writer's block, and I just need to clear my thoughts a bit by writing something less serious.

So here you go: A fairytale!

Pairing: Kakuzu/Hidan

Disclaimer: I don't own shit.

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Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, hidden between hot springs, there was a young prince by the name of Hidan. He had fair skin and silver hair and possessed a beauty envied by men and women alike. His eyes were the color of violets, but his personality was far from modest.

When he was born, his fairy godmother Jashin gave him not only immortality, but also the gift of a killing curse, and whenever the young prince was not satisfied with something, he did not hesitate to use this curse.

Granted, it was hard to make the prince happy; he was unreasonable, putting his own selfish desires before his people's needs. A maid just needed to bring him a grape not sweet enough and he would inflict his deathly curse on her.

The people of his kingdom were terrified of the prince, and before he even sat on the throne, he turned the once prosperous and pacifistic kingdom of Yugakure into a fearful and dark place where people barely dared to leave their houses.

On his sixteenth birthday, Prince Hidan was to marry the princess of Kumo, the kingdom within the clouds, Yugito. They had been engaged since Hidan's birth, as the Princess was a few years older than him. She was of equal beauty, with long golden hair and cat-like eyes.

The people of his kingdom were happy to see the young prince married off to another kingdom, but as it just so happened, their hopes were disappointed.

The day before his sixteenth birthday, Prince Hidan met Princess Yugito for the first time. As a gift, he gave her a beautiful ring. Little did the beautiful Princess know that the gift was filled with malice; as she slipped the ring on her finger, an uneven part of the silver cut into her skin.

Prince Hidan frowned at the single drop of blood pearling on her skin and took her hand, lifting it to his lips and kissing it. As he did so, he took the blood onto his lips.

What looked like affection to the onlooker was in reality an act of pure hatred, as a drop of blood was the sole thing Prince Hidan needed to act out his curse. His skin turned into the color of pitch with bones drawn on it, and as the Prince's true ugly self emerged, he laughed hysterically.

Even though their Princess had been killed, the cloud kingdom was too afraid of the prince's power to declare war. There was one kingdom though that wasn't afraid.

And so, a knight from the kingdom hidden amongst leaves, Konoha, by the name of Shikamaru lured the prince out of his kingdom and trapped him in a hole in the ground.

"You shall never be able to drink another man's blood," the knight told the screaming prince, "for you shall forever be trapped within this hole."

And the people in the kingdom hidden amongst hot springs celebrated.

The prince's fairy godmother, Jashin, however, was full of wrath; how dare the kingdom oppose her protégé? And so, even though she could not cancel the knight's curse, Jashin was able to weaken it: "You shall be trapped within this hole until your true love finds you."

Prince Hidan was trapped in the hole in the ground for a long time; sometimes, he wished that death would finally come and get him. He starved and parched, but he did not die. He screamed until his throat bled and scratched at the walls of his prison until his fingers broke, but he was unable to break free.

Before I go on with the Prince's story, though, I have to go further back in time.

A hundred years ago, in a kingdom hidden behind a waterfall, lived a young sorcerer by the name of Kakuzu. He loved and protected the kingdom Taki, and when his king asked him to, he even attacked the king of Konoha.

When he returned defeated and fatally injured, however, he was met with punishment. His king imprisoned him deep in the castle with the intention of torture.

The sorcerer's heart became small and bitter after his kingdom's betrayal; had he not risked his life for it? Had he not been loyal to it? From his desperation and hatred, the sorcerer drew new power and directed it against his kingdom; he killed the king and all of his council and took their hearts.

With the power of his hatred, the sorcerer turned their hearts and his own into monsters loyal to him, and only him. Then, he left the kingdom and wandered the earth for many years, his hatred giving him the power to never die.

And so, on one of his quests to gather gold, he heard loud screaming and cursing. Thinking it was a banshee, whose corpses were worth a lot of money, he started searching for the source of the screaming. Eventually, he found a hole in the ground so deep that he couldn't see the bottom.

"_Is someone in there?" He called into the darkness. _

_At first, there was no response, but then, he heard a loud, pitiful groan. "Fucking help me, you fucking dumbass of a peasant!" _

_Kakuzu raised an eyebrow. "Since you are trapped down there, possibly injured and weak, and I am up here, should you really be yelling at me?" _

_There were a few moments of silence before the voice started speaking again. "Just do it!" _

"…"

"…_Please… please, help me out of here… I'm – I'm a Prince, I'll give you everything you want!" _

_Kakuzu furrowed his eyebrows. "Now that I think about it, I have heard of you – Prince Hidan of Yugakure. __You spread horror across your kingdom and were imprisoned in this hole by Konoha." _

"_So are you going to get me out of here or not?!" _

"_What's in it for me? Konoha won't let you get back to power and your people don't want you as their Prince. You have no money, nor anything else I could desire." _

"…_Please…"_

Now, the sorcerer was not a generous or kind man. As his heart had shrunk from his bitterness and hatred over the years, he only did things that benefited him. But hearing that pitiful, scratchy voice, he was reminded of his own fate – betrayed by his own kingdom.

He freed the young prince under the condition that he became his servant, and blinded by the prospect of salvation, the prince agreed.

In his obliviousness, the Prince tried to run, only to find that he couldn't; when he distanced himself more than a few meters from the sorcerer, it was like an invisible rope held him back.

The sorcerer, knowing of the prince's treacherous personality, had put a spell on him so he couldn't break his word. Little did he know that he would soon regret this; he had thought the prince might turn out to be useful during his quests, but the prince was spoiled. While he was a strong man, he was whiny, complaining and swearing all the time.

Sometimes, when the prince was getting too annoying, the sorcerer turned him into an animal; his first choice, a donkey, had turned out to be a bad choice, as even as a donkey, Hidan was loud, but as a white dove, the prince was strangely calm, often sitting on Kakuzu's shoulder.

In a way, I guess you could say they lived happily ever after – if 'happily ever after' meant the prince annoying the sorcerer until he kissed him just so he'd shut up, that is.

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